Paleo ... um ... Bread?

Yes, it's bread!

Paleo seems to have an odd pre-occupation with emulating neolithic foods - I suppose paleofying some comfort foods is a good thing since we should all have comfort food every so often, but it should remain the best standard. Paleo.

Some paleofied foods could easily lead us into bad habits and away from the simple mantra of meat, fish, shellfish, eggs and veggies, what with those little extra tastes and flavours from condiments and so on.

Some paleofied food is downright dangerous, and this is one of them. Bread.


Well, quite simply it utterly derails the point of paleo eating: to eat quality whole food, organic and pastured with a simple ratio of sufficient meat or fish to feel replete, satisfied and fed, and a variety of vegetables to keep it interesting and fill in all those micronutrients.

So, why make it?

I've had it in mind to make paleo bread ever since going paleo but never actually got around to doing it, partly because I just enjoy paleo eating as is and partly because I prefer to eat foods that required some kind of bread with something that supplants it: Eggs Benedict over a sweet potato muffin, Beef Burgers in mushroom buns, that kind of thing.

I've had a jar of almond butter in the cupboard for ages and what with just moving house, I considered throwing it out when packing up but decided to hold onto it and make a conscious effort to do something with it at the new place.

Then, Niko goes and posts this article on Free the Animal showing us how to make a kind of paleo bread - part one and part two.

I was even less scientific about it ...

I had a jar of almond butter (250ml) which I scraped out into a bowl.

Using the guidelines of four eggs per cup and a half (something like 350ml), I used three eggs since ours are somewhat large.

Stir together with a fork (Grok didn't have a food mixer or a blender, right?) until a uniform slurry is achieved.

Good pinch of sea salt, tablespoon of cider vinegar and a level teaspoon of baking powder.

Pour out into a shallow oven-proof dish and place into a pre-heated over set to 200C for 35 minutes.

Oh, grease the dish or it will soufflĂ©, rather than rise uniformly.

Once done, it should have risen, should be firm throughout with no stodge and hard on the outside.

So simple! In fact, so simple, I wonder why bread makers go through all the fuss that they do.

We had a slice with some Orkney chutney and smoked cheese. My Mrs commented that this was pretty much indistinguishable from real bread, or rather the heavily seeded breads that we used to eat. Somewhat thrilled at having found something we might enjoy as a treat we proceeded to have another slice and then I set about making our dinner ...

We had a starter of salted beef with tomato, caper and parmesan, main of Cod Italiano - cod covered in a hot tomato sauce, much basil and some mozzarella.

After the starter, we were stuffed!

The bread had ruined our dinner. Even as part of our dinner, it would have ruined it - I'd planned some tenderstem broccoli and sweet potato mash with the cod, neither of which got cooked and so, the bread prevented us from having two fantastic vegetables that would have given some real nutrition.

And, today, I have a touch of heartburn.

Did I say bread, even paleo bread, was downright dangerous?

So, sod this epi-paleo lark! I'm going back to the Ice Age!